Everyone who has struggled with fertility knows that birthdays and ages weigh heavily when it seems like the end of possibility runs concurrent with the number of candles on your (possibly metaphorical) cake.
There is something freeing about age just being a number, an inching towards AARP, signaling my 30-year high school reunion (which I am attending in May), and...nothing else.
I personally cannot wait until I am old enough that the x-ray technicians don't ask if I could be pregnant.
What's 48? It's not quite 50. It's got me supposedly in perimenopause. Thanks to the gift of an exorcism/hysterectomy 6 years ago, I know this not because of irregular periods (ha, that's MY WHOLE LIFE with a dysfunctional uterus and ovaries), but because of the joy of hot flashes, night sweats, migraines, anxiety, mood swings... So many fun markers. Lots of people see this as an end of an era, of the door finally shutting on fertility. HA! That door slammed shut years ago, so there's no emotional tie-in for me.
I did have to warn Bryce that the unpleasantness of Lupron was just a preview of menopause. He was oddly not excited about that.
I am excited though, at the freedom of growing older without strings attached. I feel like because I know what it is like to dread a birthday, it is a glorious contrast to be like, "bring it on, birthday!" I can't wait to blow out some candles on my slice of gluten-free cake.
Happy before-the-actual-day Birthday!
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at Bryce's reaction. All I can say is, "HRT, baby! HRT!"
ReplyDeleteYour last paragraph makes me so happy though. Yes, to growing older without strings attached, without dreading the birthdays! Though the ones starting with a new number are always a bit scary. Oh, to be 48 again! lol Happy birthday for Sunday! And loads of love.
As my wonderful Grandma used to say about birthdays and getting older, "It beats the alternative...!" lol Happy, happy birthday, Jess! xo
ReplyDeleteHappiest birthday! I hope it's a wonderful day, that your wishes come true, and excellent surprises happen.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! Surely one of the pleasures of getting older is letting go of the constant need to reach milestones, prove things to oneself or others....It's a necessary part of life, I guess, to feel those feelings and their urgency, but it's also great to HAVE HAD experiences and not be always chasing them.
ReplyDeleteI really like this quote by Caroline Ross: "It is in some ways like being a teenager, this menopause thing, the same rushes of 'very important thoughts and feelings'. But with the humour and skepticism of being older, it is tempered with wry laughter.."
Happy belated birthday! I hope 48 was a wonderful one, full of gluten-free cake with Bryce.
ReplyDeleteWhat a different relationship we infertiles have with peri-menopause and menopause, for the reasons you state. I was happy to age out of the pregnancy question, and also of friends having baby showers.