I Think We Are the Couple from Up

Oh, Up. A movie that is lovely and funny but starts with the world's most traumatic montage (even just hearing the music can make me cry). What the hell, Pixar? Is it necessary to weave involuntary childlessness and moving forward from unspeakable grief only to lose your person in the end into the first 10 minutes of a KID'S MOVIE? 

Anyway. If ever I need to cry, I just watch that montage. I know the first time I saw the movie, I sobbed uncontrollably. 

But, we always joked about how we are like that couple, in a good way. They have such a beautiful relationship and just get each other. They read in chairs next to each other and hold hands. And then, when the horrible thing happens and they aren't going to be able to have children, that depiction of grief, of sitting in the chair just numb, wow. I feel that. Carl trying to help his wife heal while hurting himself? Oooof, yes. But then, they plan to go on adventures!  They have a travel book to fill! They have a savings jar! So! Much! Hope! 

It's funny, because my first birthday after we had decided we weren't going to continue with adoption and we were going to be childless forever, Bryce gave me a whole bunch of travel-related things. A how to pack, a how to travel, Atlas Obscura, and a travel journal. And we made plans, seven years ago (almost exactly!) in 2017. 

Instead of waterfalls in Venezuela, we planned to go to Scotland, to Ireland, to Iceland, to all the misty, rocky, cold places where puffins live. First we took our extravagant California trip, and that was amazing. Two weeks of California coast, of ocean and woods and food and wine. 

Then I had a hysterectomy. 

Bryce got deep in his PhD. 

We started planning an itinerary for Scotland, in late 2019. As we worked to solidify our plans into actual trip details, a freaking pandemic hit. No puffins for us. 

Traveling during high COVID times was not going to happen. 

And then my knee decided to go real bad. All of the -lands of the puffins have, um, rocks. And hills. All things it's really helpful to have functioning knees in order to do. 

I had a knee replacement. I recovered from my knee replacement, which turns 11 months in two days. 

AND THEN, QUITE RECENTLY, MY RIGHT KNEE STARTED ACTING LIKE IT WANTED IN ON THE TITANIUM. 

So I went to the surgeon, who took multi-view x-rays of my "good" knee. 

Guess what? Not so good anymore. Significant weathering on the right side of my patella, and considerable arthritis below. I got a cortisone shot, and was told, "You know the drill. You can schedule a replacement any time you're ready." 

MOTHER EFFER. 

Not doing it this summer, because I wanted a nice summer where I got to enjoy my new knee (which is now a questionable endeavor given Right Knee's behavior), but it is happening within the year, because I do NOT want to wait until I can't walk it hurts so bad to replace it. Which means next summer will be recovery, in some shape or form. Which means, hopefully we will be able to plan our international travel for... 2026? 

Our metaphorical jar keeps getting smashed. 

We are lucky. We have good health insurance, and I can do the knee replacement and then have TWO bionic knees. Take that, hills of Scotland and Ireland! Take that, volcanic geyserville of Iceland! I just have to be willing to wait. Again. 

I am really, really tired of all the waiting. But, at the end of it, hopefully there is a glorious puffin trip in places with fun accents. Because I would like the similarities to Ellie and Carl to stop, please. They are a lovely couple, but it doesn't exactly work out as planned and the trip with each other never happens. And it gets real sad and explains why Carl is such a curmudgeon.

So, right knee, get yourself all shiny and new, you diva. And then do your job so we can see those puffins together and go frolicking through the heather on the hill.