Up and Down (but mostly up)

It is amazing to me that I am almost three weeks out from my total knee replacement surgery. It feels like time is passing weirdly. 

I am beyond grateful to have pain management in a good place. I was fully warned that the first four weeks are the worst, but the first two are horrific. TOTALLY ACCURATE. Even more so when the pain meds are mismanaged. Not that I'm bitter... But being on the other side of agony is certainly improving my quality of life. And go figure, now that I have the celebrex (anti-inflammatory) and gabapentin (nerve pain), I'm down to less than a third of the oxy I was on when I came home. I can almost consistently go 9 hours between 5mg doses.

The hematoma from last week has mostly resolved. I am, however, "a sweller." Had a great PT session this morning but have been fighting swelling ever since. Thank goodness for the ice machine. Two steps forward, one step back... But still moving forward!

I am sleeping well finally! Got a body pillow (why did I never have one before???) and that allows me to sleep on my side. Now I can sleep on both sides!

I am enjoying short visits, 90 minutes is about what I can do max and an hour is probably better. I start getting visibly exhausted after a while. I am not cleared to go out and about, picking up a Target order and getting gas/going through the car wash have been about the extent of my exciting adventures. Car rides hurt.

I have to keep in mind that this is the dangerous time -- I feel good enough to do stupid things and overdo it. So for the sake of progress, I have to watch it. Bryce is really good at nudging me to take a nap, or sit down, or go to bed. He's also good at keeping me accountable for good walking -- I can lean funny or overcompensate, which leads to other pain (hey, sciatica!). Usually that means I have to ice. Or take a nap. Or go to bed.

It's been weird to have a lower cognitive load due to the drugs and my body putting power into healing. I only recently have been able to read for longer than 10 minutes. I can do word searches and easy PEOPLE Magazine crosswords, working my way up to other activities. I lose words a lot. I start sentences and then just sort of stall out. It's good to remember this is temporary. I love my brain, and it can be frustrating to have it function differently.

It's good to have a positive attitude but also acknowledge when it's overwhelming. At night sometimes I get weepy and overloaded. It felt like the first two weeks were neverending and I might not survive it. It was so hard to have progress and then BAM! hematoma and forced slowdown. Sometimes at night the pain sort of haunts me -- thanks to the meds, I don't feel it acutely, but it's still there and my body kind of hums or vibrates with it. It's hard to explain. It feels very unsettling.

This is something I have lots of practice with, right? Being in tune with my body in tough times, dealing with disappointment and setbacks and pain. But looking for those bright spots and knowing that it won't always feel this way. And super important: practicing good self care. Letting people do things for me. Enjoying the slow (which I'm notoriously really bad at). I've gotten better at acceptance and letting go. I'm not like, a master of it, but I've definitely grown from all that character-building, painful experience. 

Cheers to a bumpy yet upward trajectory toward healing! 

I got a different view on Saturday after the wildfire smoke cleared! 

Change of scenery = joy 

Eggi loves snuggle time downstairs

Upstairs, Lucky is always on my lap

So cozy!