But, a steady stream of packages are arriving. To be fair to myself, it's a lot of comfy pants and wireless bras that really do lift, things for the house to make living in the basement bedroom more cozy and organized, healthcare/cosmetic items (best purchase award in this category goes to CocoFloss -- like having a dental hygienist on demand in your home, amazing!), and gifts for people.
One of my favorite things to do when I am feeling down and isolated is to buy prizes for other people. But occasionally, I get prizes for us.
Enter a pillow and blanket that I've been eyeing on the Bas Bleu catalog/website FOREVER. It called to me. It whispered seductively, "You waaaant me. You NEED me. Bring me home, baby." And then it went on sale.
Behold, the pillow that whispered sweet nothings to me:
And there's a cozy blanket, that is also Lucky's favorite new thing:
Isn't it perfect? I love everything about it. I am generally against pillows with words on them unless they go with a seasonal holiday, but this is one of two exceptions.
Do you remember the other best pillow ever? Another right pillow at exactly the right time? From, oh, SIX YEARS AGO almost exactly?
I remember buying that pillow and CACKLING with utter glee, at a time when glee was in short supply. An except from my 2017 post about it on my previous blog, My Path to Mommyhood:
I bought myself a fabulous new throw pillow for our new couch, for which I splurged on expedited shipping to get it in time for my birthday tomorrow and it makes me laugh maniacally and do a happy dance when I see it.
Is that not the best thing you've ever seen?
I saw it in my head the other day, and then googled it AND THERE IT WAS. In real life. Purchase-able even! So much happiness in a little square. It's like I finally manifested something, ha HA ha ha.
I can get behind pillows with words on them if they swear and are strangely appropriate for life at the time.
If you want to read the whole post, it's here. I reread it and holy crap it brought me back to that time where we had just made our decision to walk away from adoption and resolve without parenting. If ever anyone wondered exactly why we made that decision, THIS POST ANSWERS THAT QUESTION. and, it introduces what was once my most favorite pillow.
The time for that pillow is gone though, and it has been sitting in my chaise lounge storage compartment for years. Until today.
In the spirit of decluttering, Bryce has a "something in, something out" philosophy. It made total sense to bring this new pillow in and to give away the pillow which served its purpose and lived a rich life, until it lay dormant inside seasonal pillow storage, hidden away.
A friend came to visit who is going through a rough time. Understatement -- she is in her chrysalis stage, utter goo as her life is being dismantled. Different situation than mine was, but similar in that the life she thought she had, the future she had imagined, has been cruelly ripped out from under her and she is feeling unmoored, sitting in a swamp of disbelief and horrific, painful limbo.
SHE NEEDED THIS PILLOW. So, I sent her home with it. She may have even cackled with glee.
If you are in a place of transformation not of your choosing, and you logically know it will get better but are in that space where you just feel utterly disassembled, a Fuck. This. Shit. pillow is a small win.
I am glad to give it a new home. I am glad it can be passed along in times of need, like magical traveling pants. And I wish I could teleport back to the me that wrote that raw post oozing with grief and show her the Ghost of Pillow Future, the fulfillment of the promise that sounds so trite, so pat, so hollow when you are hurting and in that transformational goo: "It gets better."
Because it really, really can. I can't promise it will be perfect, but it is possible to take upending grief and sorrow and rebuild a different life you love.
The new pillow has spoken.