So, a while back I wrote about "accepting the mess" and being okay with my body as is. I was feeling powerful. Then I got my blood work results prior to my physical and... Ooof. Cholesterol high (always has been but this was a new record) and glucose on the cusp of elevated.
I dreaded going to the actual doctor appointment -- I was going to get lambasted, shamed, told to go vegan.
The day of my appointment though, I made a decision. I wasn't going to bring my weight up at all. Not once. I was going to focus on health and not comment on it AT ALL.
I also decided to assume my weight was going to be way over my last appointment. It was 5 pounds less. Before, that would have frustrated me, but this time I was relieved.
And then I made it through the entire appointment without mentioning my weight once. And when I didn't bring it up, my doctor didn't either. I started to wonder if all this time I'd felt judged by my doctor, I was actually initiating the conversation. Judging myself.
It was such a powerful realization. (And as for the scary blood work, I dodged pre-diabetes and my overall risk of a cardiac event is less than one percent for the next 10 years per my risk factors, so yay for health and weight not necessarily being the same!) Phew.
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Yay to focusing on health not weight. I read something recently that said how active you are is more important than weight! And it sounds as if you had a good outcome.
ReplyDeleteI actually think we say a lot of bad stuff to ourselves, or about ourselves to others (eg the drs) to ensure we say it first. (I do it with my dr too!)
But that can become a habit. There's a British comedian who always comments on her weight, and I get really tired of it. I understand that she said she needed to do that at gigs when she was doing stand-up to keep the hecklers quiet, but she does it when no-one else is thinking it too. It makes me sad - for her, and for the rest of us who follow suit.
Anyway, hugs for your good health!
Congratulations!!! This is an awesome realization. I'm glad your doctor didn't bring up weight either. Doctors have obviously had a lot of medical training, but they still don't always get it right when it comes to weight... My weight fluctuates so much and I swear I'm always ten pounds heavier on the doctor's scale. But I don't pay much attention. To me, weight is just the measurement of my gravitational pull to this Earth. Nothing more, nothing less.
ReplyDeleteI love the realization you had because I keep having it, too, when I feel judged. I wonder why I still do this to myself.
ReplyDeleteYay for your powerful, healthy body!