Landmark Bench-O-Versary

When you are childless not-by-choice, time works differently. There aren't milestones connected to your kids -- no birthdays, no graduations, no cultural celebrations, no dances... all of those things that people with kids track over time don't exist for us. So, we decided to celebrate the crap out of our own milestones. 

I am not embarrassed that we celebrate our Bench-o-versary, our Engage-o-versary, our (two) wedding anniversaries (the legal one and the wedding one). Why not? 

What is a Bench-o-versary? Well, it's the anniversary of our first date. And, it blows my mind, but our first date was TWENTY YEARS AGO. A feat I feel particularly proud of because we both had other lives first.

Let me tell you a story. Once there were two people who either went through or were going through difficult divorces, and they each had friends who thought it would be a great idea for them to join Match.com. Neither of them wanted to. Both of them did, because their friends were like, "do it, it will at the very least be an ego boost, and you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. Just give it a try." Fine.

Try we did. (Ditching the third person, it's weird.) We each put up THE MOST HONEST PROFILES we possibly could. They read like, "this is me, this is what I want, this is what I don't want, I do not care if this makes me unattractive to you because if it does, you're probably a douchecanoe anyway." Neither of us put pictures up. Back then, you didn't have to. 

In late May, I got a "wink" from some guy named Plawosok (later it was revealed to literally be just letters on the keyboard in a zig-zag pattern). I checked him out. Okay, ambitious...check. Compatible interests? Hiking, music, animals, reading, adventurous eating, NPR... check. Wants someone who plays no games and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty (for me, literally in the garden) and likes a good meal? Check. Smart and humorous and a bit nerdy? Check. 

So I connected with him. And we emailed back and forth for a little bit, until we sent pictures finally. His: a picture in a hat, big smile. Mine: from my 30th birthday in my cubicle at the human resources place I was working at through my Master's of Education, with a birthday headband and push-pins making a happy face behind me. Both of our friends approved. 

So, on June 6th, 2006, we met after my 11-8 shift (call center services, yay, but it also allowed me to get my fieldwork done in the mornings without missing any work) for coffee in a walkable area in our city. Yep, coffee. At 8:30 pm. 

He was ADORABLE. Very cute, very TALL, nerdy in the best possible ways, but also hot. Coffee turned into walking and talking around the neighborhoods. Walking and talking turned into sitting on a bench (hey! there's the bench!) in a park on a corner, which turned into smooching, which became the start of the best parts of my life. 

So, this is our twenty-year Bench-o-versary, and I am so so grateful that we both gave Match a chance even though it seemed cringey and weird. I am so so grateful that this was pre-Tinder and all the swiping, because we might not have found each other that way. Also, we might not have ever found each other without the online dating platform, even though we are so well suited to each other, which makes me feel even more lucky that we did. 

Normally we try to take a picture on a bench to commemorate -- sometimes at a park, sometimes our own bench at my corner garden.... but I am down and out with a horrid respiratory infection and am not to go outside lest it further trigger my drowning lungs. So no bench picture this year. 

But, yay to 20 years. Yay to our time together, for the incredible changes to my life that have happened as a result. I am so grateful for our life together, and that Plawasok (or however it was spelled) digitally winked at me and started this whole adventure.

Our actual park bench on our 10th Bench-o-versary, only pic I could find!


50th Birthday Surprise Trip!

That Bryce, he is a tricky one... and a FANTASTIC planner. My surprise trip for my 50th was amazing. 

It started out with anxiety though...Bryce asked if I would want to drive, and he could give me directions. Which I knew would be difficult because we operate very differently with directions, but also I prefer to be the one driving because I get carsick and he said this way would keep the surprise better because I wouldn't be able to see navigation. I do not like driving blind. I need directions 3 at a time, and well in advance. I am that old lady that puts her turn signal on a good half mile before it's necessary. 

The first thing was... do we go East or West on the 90? It was East, then we weren't going to Niagara on the Lake, because we'd have to drive towards Buffalo for that. So my guesses were a) Vermont or b) somewhere in the Adirondacks/woods somewhere. Both wrong.

But then, we got off at Little Falls/Dolgeville. I was like, "tricky, tricky, if we're going to Vermont, we can't get off at a regular exit or I'll know. So he's tricking me!" But then we were on the most local of roads, running parallel to the thruway, and then we were solidly in Mennonite territory and Bryce kept saying, "yeah, turn up here. Left. Yes, I think left is the best way." 

I was SO UNHAPPY. I don't like not knowing where I'm going, and I definitely didn't like last minute turns and not knowing if he was fucking with me or serious. But, the Mennonite farms were beautiful, I hit zero horse-and-buggies despite seeing three, and we decided horse poop on the side of the road is "The Mark of the Mennonite." 

Eventually, we ended up in a place where there was a Memorial Day parade, ON A FRIDAY EVENING, that shut down the whole road we needed. It was crowded, I was hungry, and I started crying. But, once that was over, we got on a regular road and BOOM! There were signs for Saratoga Springs. Of course, we have driven through Saratoga on our way to Vermont before, so I still wasn't sure where we were going. Then we were in the town, and I got directions to take a right too late to take it, and started getting teary eyed, but then two turns later we PARKED. 

You know where we were? 

Saratoga Springs, at the Saratoga Arms Hotel! I have never done more than pass through Saratoga (although I think we had a cross country meet there in high school, but that doesn't count since...high school shenanigans). It was a totally new place! 


The hotel was beautiful. It was an old, old building with three floors (plus the lower floor, which included private covered patios, which I guess in apartments is called "garden level?"). It looked like it should be haunted. Luckily for us, no midnight echoey giggles or phantom knocks. They upgraded us for my birthday and so our room had a sitting area. There were fancy Scarlett-O'Hara style stairs you could take to get to the main floor, or you could take an elevator. There were sitting rooms downstairs with beautifully realistic gas fireplaces. There was coffee in the morning and lemonade and iced tea afternoon and night, with suggestions on spiking either (cold) drink. You could get cocktails in the lobby or to take up to your room or out to the porch. Oh, the porch! 
First Night Manhattans porch

Post-breakfast reading porch

The trip was amazing. The hotel was swanky and cozy, the town was cute, and true to last year's surprise... we went to a bunch of bookstores! 

The first one was the Northshire, which we frequent in Manchester, Vermont every time we go anywhere near, and we had never been to the one in Saratoga. It was a little like a wormhole, because once you went in, it was decorated pretty much the same with some similarities in layout, so you could imagine you were actually in Vermont. I didn't really have much in mind, so it was fun to walk around and browse and pick up different books: 

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Bryce got me the Jenny Lawson (I love her so much, and am embarrassed to say I didn't realize she had a new book out until I saw it on my sister's birthday wishlist!), Whack Job: The History of Axe Murder, and On Earth As It Is Beneath, which was his secret pick that I had never heard of. I almost got Strange Buildings until I saw Strange Houses, not that they go in order but I really, really enjoyed Strange Pictures, which was one of the most innovative books I've read in a long time. How could I resist The Goth Garden, which is full of interesting plants! And The Spirit Bares Its Teeth is truly something to look forward to. I loved Andrew Joseph White's Compound Fracture, and I'm sure I'll love this one too. I also got a kick out of the fact that the books color coordinated like they did. 

Next was a used bookstore with a labyrinth of little rooms that kept going back and back and back -- Lyrical Ballad Bookstore. I actually enjoyed the hunt while not having a target in mind. The rooms could be a bit creepy though, more than once I went in and had to peer around shelves to make sure I was alone and there wasn't some literary killer in wait. I spent a lot of time in the Young Adult section, but found some good stuff in the adult sections too: 


The top two are for my classroom, the bottom two for summer reading. I was assured by people who read North Woods that it was really great and the weird giant mountain lion really doesn't have much to do with the story. Covers are weird. The Deepest Lake was in the Mystery section, and I'd never heard of it, so in my stash it went! 

The final bookstore was Botanica Books, a highly curated shop up narrow stairs into a two-room, tall-ceilinged space. I thought I heard a duck, which was weird, but it was the parakeet/parrot looking bird that sat on the bookseller's shoulder and thankfully didn't fly about (I like birds from a safe distance). I had a great conversation with the bookseller, and she offered a discount to teachers, students, and librarians which was lovely. Here are my picks: 


Ancient vampire books in one volume, some T. Kingfisher, a Shirley Jackson memoir with a wry look at motherhood, The Mere Wife which is a sort of Beowulf retelling, and Quicksand, which Bryce got for me at the recommendation of the bookseller. 

I think I am all set (and then some) for summer reading. 

The other part of our trip was food. Breakfasts were included at the hotel, which was great because every little thing was extra if you didn't stay there. So yummy. The first night we ate Mexican at a place called Cantina, which was good (but obviously not as good as our regular haunt back home).


Margarita, guacamole, chicken tortilla soup (a little tomato-heavy for our taste but good)

Lunch on Saturday was the most delicious Middle Eastern food I've ever had at Sara's Kitchen. It's Egyptian, and they did an AMAZING job with gluten free. It was actually pretty damn close to the best FOOD I've had...the flavors were amazing and the setting was chill. 

Mmmmm Turkish coffee, so worth the wait

This was INSANELY delicious: Crispy halloumi cheese with a spiced apple salad and fig/pistachio jam. The best thing I have EVER put in my mouth. 

And look! Gluten free falafel wrap, made with split fava beans because Egyptian, and super light and flavorful. 

We seriously contemplated coming back for dinner and forgoing our dinner reservations. But, we went to the Italian place, Solveno, which was very good (if rushed). Sweet Northeast oysters, a beet salad, and delicious wild mushroom GF gnocchi.


Tasty drinks, but so rushed we only had one.

OMG the dessert... Bryce's was a carrot cake larger than his head, and mine was a lemon polenta cake that was to die for. And they gave me a t-shirt for my birthday! 

We got back to our pretty hotel room that I took zero pictures of, immediately pajamafied, and got drinks from downstairs to have in our room while we read. I put my Cat Nap sleepshirt on and Bryce went to get the drinks, which arrived at the room and I was mildly mortified since I was in my sleepshirt and no bra, but I'm sure they've seen weirder. It cracks me up that the thing we loved most to do to relax was what we do pretty much all the time at home -- listen to music, read books, enjoy a beverage. 


One thing I really liked about Saratoga Springs was the walkability. We never drove the whole time we were there -- we could walk absolutely everywhere. 
Google told me these are Swedish ducks

I have a video that I can't seem to upload of this adorable duckling zooming around the pond and chirping. Adorbs.


The next day it rained heavily, and we went for a walk but it was quite squishy. After visiting some ducks in a park (and a duckling with boundless energy on the pond), we packed the car and went home via Ballston Spa, where everything Bryce wanted us to check out was closed. Booo. But we did have a great lunch at the Whistling Kettle, a little tea house that was very granola/hippy dippy, and delicious. 

Bryce was worried that he couldn't do something as memorable as last year's Magical Mystery Bookshop Tour day trip, but this was FANTASTIC. A weekend getaway filled with books, food, and walking? Great job, Bryce! I am a lucky, lucky duck.