I Approve of This Message

There is a place where I get fun teacher shirts and stickers online: TeachersGram. I got fun stickers for my books at school that have a "borrow it, read it, return it" message around my name. I have one on my laptop by my trackpad that said "To Do: TAKE ATTENDANCE."  I also have (homemade)  signs all around my room for attendance, because I forget all the time. 

So, a student saw it and said I should get one for another teacher, and I finally ordered it (and a ton of other) stickers. 

I didn't buy this one, but man I love it:

Perfect, no? 

Shenanigans, M-Day, NPE, and PMOS

Thank you for the birthday wishes! I had a great time, and it keeps going through the magical mystery weekend over Memorial Day that Bryce is taking me to... Look at me, being okay with surprises! 

Shenanigans: 
My best friend popped over for Friday night (it was her son's birthday Saturday and he's at a nearby college, but we were able to visit too which was lovely). Behold, my favorite 50th birthday shirt: 

The bottom of the shirt, under the dancing raccoon, it says "Half a century of shenanigans" 

Mother's Day: 
Mother's Day followed, and somehow I managed to have it pass without incident. My survival strategies worked: 

- Do not go on social media

- Do not listen to the radio with commercials

- Do not go to the grocery store

- Plant lots of plants

The left side of the birdbath garden, with the toad house, and new wild columbine, spider plants, helenium, and salvia caradonna

The right side of the same garden, there's bog sage and verbena bonariensis along the fence and I'm so pleased my coreopsis and agastache is coming back strong on the right!  

 

I also went up and visited with my mom and helped her get her annuals at a nursery near her, which was a nice compact visit without being in the mass market fray, and absolutely NO ONE wished me a Happy Mother's Day. Wahoo. 

I was also pleased that the messages from our building administration AND our superintendent recognized "mothers and mother figures" and the building email recognized that this can be a time of grief and loss. WHAT A TERRIFIC CHANGE! 

Mostly I am so very glad that Mother's Day is not the horrible grief bomb it used to be. 

NPE and Sister Pride: 
My sister was on a podcast! She joined the host of Unraveling Me for her episode, "Unraveling Amanda." I highly recommend the listen. She's honest, funny, and sharing a very difficult piece that she's only recently publicly embracing. Amanda is very involved in the Right To Know organization, whose mission is: Empowering individuals and families impacted by misattributed parentage, adoption, donor conception, NPEs, and DNA surprises through education, support, advocacy, and community engagement since 2019. (NPE = Non-Paternal Event). I am insanely proud of my sister for letting go of shame that didn't belong to her and living an authentic life, with all her pieces. I will direct you to the podcast to hear her tell her story of NPE. 

Sisters as kids on the Long Island Sound

Right to Know also has incredible resources for families regarding adoption and donor conception in addition to DNA surprises. Their Resources page has a lot, including fact sheets towards the bottom that are concise yet helpful. My sister co-runs a support group through the organization and attended the "Untangling Our Roots" conference. It's a great place for belonging if you have a known or recently revealed complex genetic identity. 

PCOS is now PMOS: 
Lastly, in my google feed today I saw... PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is now PMOS (polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome). There are a bunch of articles, but this one from CNN was the most thorough in my opinion: PCOS, a condition impacting millions of women worldwide, gets a new name. Why is this name change important? First, research and understanding of women's health SUUUUUCCCCKKKKKSSSS. Second, this is going to address the parts of the syndrome that aren't focused solely on the ovaries. I was diagnosed with PCOS during fertility treatments, and no one seemed to give a hoot about it once I wasn't trying to conceive...even though it has lifelong implications with metabolism, increased stroke/heart attack/diabetes risks, and should be part of my overall health profile, not just my reproductive bits. The hope is that more people will get an accurate diagnosis and better healthcare throughout their life. Fascinating stuff! 

Well how's that for a mishmash of an update? I have been underwater lately and figured putting it all together in one post versus hoping I have time for several separate ones will get me to typing and posting. :) Enjoy!

Reflecting on the Last Decade

Here it is... today is my last day of being a perfect square, 49. Tomorrow I am officially fifty...which seems substantially younger than it used to now that it's upon me! 

I was thinking on my forties as I enter into a new decade. What did they look like? What major things happened? And then, I went down a rabbit hole. 

Things that happened: 

When I turned forty, I had a big party. That is completely not even remotely appealing to me for this decade. I wore a hotsy totsy dress and pepper deelie-boppers (because Cinco de Mayo). I got rather toasted on tequila. I was trying so, so hard to be at peace with a birthday that felt like a closing of a door. I had my first "fun hair color" that I felt so brave and edgy for doing...

I thought, WOW! So bright! So red! (Future me is cracking up.)

At forty we were pursuing adoption. We lived in our old house. We had a baby shower in April (technically I was 39 then) and set up our nursery. 

Then forty-one came. That was The Year Everything Fell Apart, 2017. Well, by the time my birthday arrived, everything had already fallen apart. I'd had my autoimmune eye disorder due to extreme stress, I'd had my months of high prednisone craziness, I'd had my breakdown and my emergency room visit thanks to stroke-level blood pressure. And we had decided by my birthday that we were DONE. That we'd hit our enough, and that we'd never be parents. 

This is me trying to celebrate while feeling like I'd run through a trauma gauntlet: 

That year sucked. We packed up our nursery. We told everyone we'd left the parenthood path. It was so, so hard. 

But also, in the midst of all that, I submitted and achieved my National Board certification in Exceptional Learners. Which is a pretty darn good achievement. 

The summer after my 41st birthday, we took our 8-year delayed honeymoon, a fancy schmancy 2 week trip up and down the coast of California. Here we are in Napa, Carmel, and Santa Barbara:  

And, in November of 2017, I got a big 'ole back tattoo to signify our losses and rebirth to a new life: 

I will be here forever if I go birthday by birthday, so here are highlights of things that happened, not necessarily in order. 

In 2018 we moved out of our old house and into our new house. Like the tattoo, this was hugely symbolic of leaving the house we thought we'd raise a child in, and starting fresh in a house perfectly made for our new life. 

I had a bunch of surgeries -- a hysterectomy, followed by two knee replacements. Bryce said, "Why are you focusing on negative things?" and I heartily disagree. All three of those surgeries resulted in FREEDOM. Freedom from an organ that did nothing for me but torture me. Freedom to regain mobility and movement without pain. Really, shedding those "broken" parts were tremendous victories that have led to tremendous quality of life. 

   

Complete Set! 

Round 1

I supported Bryce through his PhD -- while the PhD is his accomplishment, not mine, it took A LOT of sacrifice and compromise over 8 years and felt just a smidge like OUR accomplishment for our family. 

We saw the Rochester version of a total solar eclipse (it did get dark and eerie, but it was CLOUDY). I mean, this could be any average Tuesday in Rochester.

                                                           

We saw the aurora borealis IN OUR DRIVEWAY. (Still want to see the Arctic version, but that was pretty darn cool.)

WE SURVIVED A PANDEMIC. Behold, birthday 44: 

Remember those handmade sock masks? 

I survived TEACHING in a pandemic, wearing scrubs when we went back for hybrid for ease of scouring and keeping things separate at home: 

My hair got progressively brighter and/or purplier (oldest to most recent, recent is an ash violet with silver): 

I bought my first new car (that got totaled in a rear-ender accident and resulted in my second new car just a couple years later): 

Oh Pumpkin, I miss you.

I lost my first high school friend, who passed away suddenly in his mid-forties. 

Here we are going to prom together in 1994

I flew solo to Nashville to visit a close friend since college (who is taking this picture):

I went paddleboarding and discovered I love it: 

I think overall, it's been a great decade. A decade of change, of doing things that scare me, of remaking a life. Kind of interesting, because my 30s were all about starting over for different reasons, and resulted in a very different life than my 20s. 

I'd be happy to just kind of float a bit right here -- I feel like fifty is not something I'm scared of. I am looking forward to more of this wonderful life that we've built. 
                                        ----> 10 years...