Define "Okay"

First off, thank you for the love last week... Things are better, but still not great. It's not quite so oppressive this week. It meant so much to have virtual hugs galore.

Mostly because I am not okay, but I am pretending to be okay in an effort to "fake it 'till I make it" and survive until summer break. 

I am not doing a whole lot on social media (which for me is Facebook, I suck at Twitter and don't want Instagram), just changing my cover photo to plants in my garden (that haven't been ravaged by vengeful deer and groundhogs) and posting shared stuff, mostly. You could look at my Facebook and be like, "she's quiet, but good!" 

Someone recently posted about a friend who is ghosting them, and said that it was definitive that it was ghosting because this person was posting and "busy" on Facebook. I think Facebook is a terrible barometer for how people actually feel. I think you can hide how you feel and shit you're going through and no one is the wiser. So that bothered me (I'm not the ghoster, but when I am in this hyper anxious state I'm terrible at communication and could be perceived as such).

It reminds me of the days in the throes of infertility and adoption, where I wanted to look okay from the outside but my insides didn't match at all. Which was exhausting, and lonely.

I feel a bit rambly, but mostly I wanted to thank you -- thank you for being my place where I can be decidedly not okay. Where I don't have to (it feel like I have to) hide the mess that is my brain right now. It's very much appreciated. 

A bright spot -- my Royal Wedding poppies are finally blooming! And deer/groundhogs/rabbits seem to hate 'em! 

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