Pronatalism in Dirty Jokes

I have very...rambunctious students this year. Lots of immaturity combined with dirty jokes, and I am being tested in my ability to keep a straight face while cracking up inside. 

Today, I worked with three of my students while doing a lab on boiling point. I think they thought the tubing that ran from the test tube that boiled with the thermometer in the stopper to the empty test tube in cold water (for collecting condensation) looked somehow sexual. Which is strange as it didn't look remotely sexual. 

Anyway, they kept making veiled jokes about "D" this and "D" that, and I said, "okay, enough with the Ds. No more Ds."

And one of my spicier students muttered, "Well, then how did you get your kids?" 

I said "what?" and pretended not to have heard, and he said, "well don't you have kids?" I guess insinuating that I then needed a D to accomplish that and so could not ban the jokes about it without hypocrisy. 

"Oh, I don't have kids." 

He just stared at me. His mouth silently opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. 

"Kinda takes the steam out of your joke, huh?" I said, laughed, and walked away. 

It made me laugh, in part because I think he thought he could shame me into being like, "yes, my children came from sex, sex with a D." But instead he ended up uncomfortable because I don't have kids, and so no "utilitarian" use for sex. With a "D,*." And I hid the fact that that made me cackle insanely inside, behind my straight face.

*In case you didn't figure it out, D = dick.

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9 comments:

  1. I am glad that you cackled insanely inside! It's so great that his assumption allowed you to one-up him rather than feel hurt. And I am really glad that he did a goldfish impersonation when you told him you don't have kids. I hope he thought about it.

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    1. Hahaha, I'm going to think about "goldfish impersonation" for a while now! It was nice to not feel hurt and instead to feel like I got the last laugh. Ha.

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  2. Oh joy. Kids. Way to think on your feet.

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    1. Thanks! They are definitely interesting at this age....

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  3. You make me miss teaching middle school. I loved catching my students off guard with school-appropriate comebacks, hahaha. Good handling of that one! Middle schoolers have a way of bringing up tricky subjects in the most innocuous situations. As you know, it's a talent of theirs.

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    1. Oh yes! Middle school is the best. They are such fascinating humans at this age. The comebacks are fun, it's nice when I can get a leg up! :)

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  4. I'm laughing. D's all around. YOU get a D, and YOU get a D!

    lol

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    1. HAHAHA! Now all I see is a highly inappropriate Oprah giveaway in my head... :)

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