I had my mammogram and ultrasound today -- it makes me nervous every single year. I am so afraid that the years of pumping myself full of estrogen are going to bite me one day. I feel like all my lady organs conspire against me in one way or another.
The mammogram itself wasn't too terribly bad -- the smooshing is not the best feeling in the world, but it doesn't seem to be as uncomfortable as it was the first time. Although, I do wonder if it would look different if men had to stick tender bits into the smashers. Why must everything women's health be squashing and poking and stretching and undignified?
The technician asked me if there was any chance of pregnancy, and I said an emphatic NO, and she said "okay then," and so I said "no uterus." And then I was able to talk about that without any sort of sadness at all. Which felt insanely freeing. I said it didn't do anything for me, and so good riddance. She said, "but it says stuff about IVF in your notes," and I said, "yes, and that did nothing for me, not really, and damaged my organs in the process, and so I gladly said goodbye to my uterus." She didn't press, she didn't ask me if I'd adopted, she didn't do any of the things that can be possibly well-meaning but also ill-advised. It was awesome.
Then I had my ultrasound after a wait, and had the stress of that transducer going over the same spot over and over and over again. I have a bunch of cysts near my armpit on both sides, but man it makes me scared when they push, click, push, click, push, click, all in the same spot.
One more year of breast imaging done, one more year of "everything looks good." May it always be this way! And if you are over 40, please make sure to get your boobies checked. It saves lives.
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