I really enjoyed Sarah's recent post at Infertility Honesty about her embryo garden. I loved the picture of it on bloom and in snow, I loved the white flowers, I loved the statue. I also loved that she buried a (metal?) box with her embryo pictures in it and put rocks on top so she's know where it was.
Gardening is a way of healing for me, too. I don't have a specific garden for remembering my losses, and I didn't want to bury anything at the time we were memorializing them because I worried about leaving them behind if we moved (which is why the box/rocks are so brilliant).
Bryce gave me a beautiful garden statue of a little boy Buddha reading a book that I loved, but I strangely didn't want to put in a garden outside because I didn't want anything to happen to it -- the idea of birdshit on this representation of our miscarried child just didn't sit well with me. Also, I wanted to see it more often.
Sometimes I put flowers in the book, sometimes I pat his head, but mostly he just sits in the window on the stairs where I pass by him every day. He doesn't bring me sadness, just remembrance.
Maybe when I'm creating my butterfly gardens, I'm creating remembrance gardens without consciously realizing it. Butterflies are that ultimate symbol of transformation and remaking yourself. I'm sustaining life in my flowers that then sustains life in butterflies, bees, and hummingbirds. Maybe this spring I will take our embryo pictures from the box in the attic and put them in a metal box and add them to my new butterfly garden that I see out my office window. That is an idea that gives me great peace. Thank you, Sarah.
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I love your boy monk.
ReplyDeleteYears ago, my husband bought a pair of peridot (August birthstone, for both our ectopic babies) and suggested we bury them under two trees we had planted (in pots). I couldn't quite bring myself to bury them, which was a good thing because the trees didn't survive! And now I wear the ear-rings regularly, and like the remembrance of doing so, without pain. So burying things is not for everyone.
But the remembrance, yes, that's the key thing. We all do what works for us. And I love Sarah's garden and the idea of your butterfly gardens.
I love your boy budda, and that he's safely indoors with you. We still have the three little teddy bears given to us by the hospitals when we lost our girls. When I need to, I go over to the dresser where they sit and bury my face in them to give them a hug. As you mentioned, it gives me peace.
ReplyDeleteI think your spring butterfly garden idea is lovely. It's possible I think that simply because at this point in a Minnesota winter, I think ANYTHING to do with spring or gardens is lovely! That said, finding what brings you joy and comfort and peace is not easy, and if you've got any idea for doing that, that's beautiful.
I've always been hesitant re: memorial gardens for the same reasons... but something that you know you could dig up again if need be is a great solution. :) We did have a tree in the backyard at our house that we thought of as "Katie's tree" and that was kind of hard to leave. We took photos of each other beside it on moving day.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a wonderfully appropriate item in your window.
ReplyDeleteThere is something about gardening and (in)fertility. The summers during which we were trying to build our family (different summers, different ways), I spent so much time trying to grow things.
Love the ideas that Sarah offered.