Uncertainty

I am no stranger to uncertainty. I hate it, and have really never made peace with it. This even though infertility and adoption are incredibly rife with uncertainty. 

But now, everything is uncertain. I am worried about what's coming in January. I am worried about how much things can change, how fast. I am worried about books, and control over print, and control over information. I am worried for communities of color, and the LGBTQIA+ community. I am worried for immigrants, and people seeking asylum. I am worried about the sense that America feels very much a place of AGAINST rather than a place FOR. I am worried for librarians. I am worried about teachers. I am worried about the environment. I am worried about women. I am worried about my students and my friends' kids. I worry about the healthcare system. I worry about future availability of vaccines. I worry about mental health care. 

There is so much worry. And disappointment. And disbelief. 

I also realize that I am privileged -- that I am a white, cisgender, hetero woman. I am a woman who cannot get pregnant and so doesn't have to worry personally about choice, I am stable financially (until I am replaced by an AI teacher in the classroom). I have great health insurance (for now). I live in an area that (for now) is free from climate change disasters. I live in NY, a (for now) liberal state that has civil rights protections (for now). 

But I am worried. And filled with a sort of existential dread. 

So...what can I do? Here is how I am trying to be in this strange and horrifying time: 

- Spend little time on social media. 

- what little time I spend there, spread stories of happiness and kindness and good in the world. 

- do not engage in political crap online. No one is ever convinced of anything on social media. 

- Love my students, who are scared. Provide a safe space to talk and be themselves and learn about lives not their own. 

- Read. Read. Read. Read. Read. Read. Read. 

- Get out in nature. Walk in the woods. Work in the garden (even though it's being put to bed). 

- Do NOT overdose on news. Like, listen to the NYT The Daily podcast, and read a few articles, but no doomscrolling. No watching news. Limited watching of comedy news shows (although I do enjoy a Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, and Jon Stewart), because it can ramp up anxiety too. 

- Try not to doomspiral. But also balance that with vetting sources of information and figuring out when it is the right time to be truly freaked out. 

- Continue giving to the Trevor Project, Planned Parenthood, American Indian College Fund, and the NAACP Legal Defense Fund. 

- Be nice. Be as kind as possible. Spread kindness far and wide. 

I keep thinking of the Anne Frank quote, "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." 

I hope things aren't as dire as I fear. God, I hate uncertainty.