Another Podcast About IVF

I've been listening to This Podcast Will Kill You for a little while, and I really enjoy it. I mean, I have to be careful because I pretty much convinced myself that I had MS, lupus, and Parkinson's through listening, but I have also learned about menopause, migraine, asthma, arsenic, skin cancer, lightning, thalidomide, endometriosis, alcohol, and Henrietta Lacks and the HeLa cells (sounds like a band but it's not). It's a little risky if you hear symptoms and immediately think OMG I'M DEFINITELY DYING. I have been focusing more on the episodes that either a) are things I already know I have or b) aren't things I think I could develop.

I love it because it's two women, both epidemiologists and disease ecologists, and they discuss the topic from multiple perspectives -- history, biological, technological, and first-hand accounts. So much centers on how women and people of color have been done dirty by the medical establishment, particularly the research arm, and how misconceptions have either been debunked or persist in various aspects of women's health. Also, each episode gets a specialty cocktail, the Quarantini, and they also have an alcohol-free Placebo-rita. Which is fun. 

The most recent two episodes and the episode coming this week, though, focus on...IVF. I debated listening to it. Listening to the NYT podcast The Retrievals was both informative/validating but also brought up a lot of feelings. Sad feelings. A bubbling up of my grief magma. I'm glad I did it, but it was at a cost. This, though, promised to be well-researched and peppered with first-hand accounts. 

It's really good. 

And what I love best is that the first-hand accounts are a mix of people who ended up with babies, and...not. And a lot about the complex emotional toll of IVF, and the wide, WIDE range of experiences. It was FASCINATING to hear what goes in to success rate data (was it fresh? frozen? success per retrieval? success per person?) and how the actual numbers are closer to 25%, which is a lot lower than what's typically touted. I'd nab it exactly but the transcript for the second episode isn't up yet. You can hear the hosts realizing the complexity and the impact of IVF throughout the episodes. 

One first-hand account was self-described as an "IVF Long-Hauler." I've never heard that term, but I guess that's what I would have been considered. She listed off all the cycles that they did, and how having insurance made a difference because they have funds to try gestational carrier as they've exhausted the ability to do transfers (in all the ways you can exhaust -- physically, emotionally...). She said they'd reached their "Heartbreak Threshold" for that part of their journey. I do love that term, "Heartbreak Threshold." I remember someone quoting from the play "The Miracle Worker" to me -- "How many times are you going to let them break your heart? Oh, countless." I think it was less inspirational than cautionary, but it stuck with me. (Even though persistence in that case wins out eventually, and it decidedly did not for me.)

I love that there is such a variety of voices, and that those that didn't end with a baby make sure to state that WE EXIST. 

I plan to listen to the third episode, which will focus on the industry and current technologies. I really hope they talk about the influence of it becoming an industry and the ways people are vulnerable to claims and "extras." The hosts are doing a great job so far, so I can't imagine they won't touch on the seedy underbelly. 

So, take a listen, or just feel good knowing that there's another place where the stories of people who didn't find success in IVF are a part of the mix, just as much as those who left with a baby. I'd be interested to know what you think about it.

Note: There is one IVF evangelical person who talks about their "miracle baby" ad nauseum that sort of made me want to stab things, but most of the firsthand accounts aren't like that.