Farewell, Bad Knee

It has certainly been a busy busy time leading up to today. I have my total knee replacement surgery this afternoon (whyyyy afternoon whyyyy, so hungry and anxious!), and I had my last day of school for the year yesterday. I know that I could not get to everything I wanted to in order to wrap up, but I am working on the whole "let it go" piece and so I am going to trust that it will all be fine. 

The end of the year was lovely, I managed to get all my IEP meetings done and the paperwork sent off to the Special Ed office for filing. I got almost everyone to a point where they were just at the proofreading stage of their English essay. I tried to get all the things to my sub, who is very excited but also nervous. My kids were wonderful to me in the last week, but I'm pretty sure they were showing off the last two days when she came in, because everything was over-the-top and a show of "look how bad I can be!" Sigh. 

I got hugs and cards and requests to do a Google Meet (um, maybe once I'm off narcotics, haha?), and I'm hoping that I can do a drive by on the last day of school, which is the 8th grade Beach Party. Kids who really gave me a run for my money said, "Do you have to leave? I am really going to miss you." 

That saying really is true -- the kids who need the most love ask for it in the most unlovable ways. It was a really hard year (one student who has been a regulated rock all year said in her card, "It was a tough year, but you got through it!"), but memorable and I really do love all of my students. I did some reflecting and it's AMAZING how far so many of them have come. The cards from parents and grandparents all thanked me for being so caring and for loving their kids. To me, that is the ultimate in success. 

As far as the knee goes, I am nervous nervous nervous. I was so brave and even watched a video of the procedure (which was, um, questionable in terms of judgment), but then this past weekend I started freaking out hardcore. All the prep around the house (the first floor bedroom! the ice maker! the ice circulating machine! the stack of books I will probably be too loopy to read! the downloaded podcasts! the pillow forts to prop my knee up! the body pillow! the gardening! the laundry! the laundry! THE LAUNDRY!) has worked my knee hard. It is so, so very angry today. Which I think is good, because it reminds me how much I need this and how the pain will be worth it short-term to have amazing outcomes long-term. 

The surgery isn't until this afternoon, which is stinky because while I can drink water until noon, I am fueled only by the gluten free buckwheat berry waffles and blueberries I ate at 11:45 last night. More time to perseverate on all the things they're going to do to me? Oh, awesome. 

Fun fact: they don't do general anesthesia. What they do is give you a spinal and then sedate you so you're asleep (presumably so you can't hear all the power tools and horror show noises). All I can think is C-section, C-section, C-section... and how I have never ever had anything stuck in my spine. I sincerely hope they loop me up for that. Maybe if I say on repeat how my anxiety is through the roof? I hope the IV goes smoothly too. After the Great Colonoscopy Fiasco, I want to make sure they can pump me full of all the drugs and I am aware of absolutely nothing. 

It's weird to have surgery on something not abdominal/gynecological. It's been 30 years since I had the first knee surgery, and I don't really remember that all that much. I'm thinking in some ways it will be easier because breathing/coughing/crying shouldn't impact it so much. 

I remember the physical therapist who explained exactly how traumatic my knee surgery was forever ago saying, "This is going to impact you your whole entire life." He wasn't wrong! But now I can get a fancy new bionic knee. 3-D printed titanium! Cobalt alloy! I will be a cyborg. At least in part. 

I think the hardest part is that Bryce is so, so nervous. He has never had surgery and hates hospitals, and has had to watch me go through surgery after surgery. I'm staying overnight tonight, so I'm sure he won't be sleeping. He is trying to think of every possible thing to make it easier and healthier for me. He bought us radios to use in the house -- we practiced them last night and I felt so silly. I think at one point when he was checking if I could hear him from the first floor, I said, "Roger that, Blue Canary." I can only imagine what this is going to look like when I'm all looped out. 

So, anyway, goodbye evil knee. You did your best, but it's time for you to go. I appreciate your service, and look forward to new management. 

See you on the other side of this! 

Had to pretty up the deck while I could...

Herbs to the left of me, flowers to the right! 

Nicotiana to make the seating area smell sweet in the evening

Container full of lantana, will be so pretty!