Mother's Day doesn't have the same stabbiness it used to. Then again, I've developed some strategies for dealing with the day so it doesn't end up being a sad sap day for me.
My strategies have changed over time -- I used to sit in the backyard and have a cocktail in the afternoon because I could, and celebrate Mother's Day with my family on an alternate day. Maybe I'd garden, but I'd do it in the backyard where I couldn't see all the happy families shedding their happiness all over the place. I'd stay away from radio, TV, and social media. I'd spend a fair amount of time feeling sorry for myself...which was totally appropriate.
When there's an entire day for celebrating moms and you have spent insane amounts of energy and dollars trying to be one because it wasn't going to work any other way just to find out that it wasn't going to work ANY way, and that loss is fresh or ongoing or you are still feeling that maybe, just maybe, this will be a day for you someday... it's a lot to deal with. So having a nice cocktail while sitting with a book in the backyard and ignoring everything around you? Perfectly fine solution.
This year, I am in a very different place. For one, it's a pandemic, so there's no going out anywhere anyway. I made my calls and wished people Happy Mother's Day, and received some very lovely texts from friends who know this day can be challenging.
But the rest of the day? Time to do things for me.
I put my Mother of Cats shirt on and made a delicious breakfast, which we ate outside on the deck.
Then, I sat on the Adirondack chair and went through my plant binder, as I had received the vast majority of my plants I'd ordered in February on Saturday, to make sure I'm not missing anything (just the Meadow Rue).
Happy Mother's Day to me!
It actually didn't rain earlier in the day, so I took advantage and went outside to garden.
I started with the corner garden, which has been a bit neglected and needed some cutting back/cleanup TLC from overwinter. While I was working out there, a family walked by with a little girl and a mom wearing a t-shirt that I'm pretty sure said "Little Sister" with an arrow pointing down. I was pleasant but also like "I am very busy please ignore me" and then had an imaginary conversation where they commented on my Mother of Cats t-shirt and I said "Well, Mother of 35 Embryos isn't on a t-shirt. Yet." I finished up on the corner and went to safer areas as maybe I wasn't actually fit for public consumption.
So, on to digging up massive amounts of garlic mustard weed and planting some of my bazillion things that came this week.
|New narrowleaf mountain mint, Sahin's Early Flowerer Helenium, two kinds of fall-blooming anemones, and Cappuccino astilbes.
Not so exciting yet, especially because some new things are bareroot, but in a few weeks... it's going to be amazing. Also you can't totally see where I pulled SO MANY of those weeds.
I kept going until the rain grew heavy, wrangling some more vines and weeds and planning new spaces for new plants.
It was great.
Now I am sitting here in my Mother of Plants t-shirt with a heating pad against my low back/hips because it was good hard work and my body likes to remind me of that, more so now that I'm half of 90.
I stayed away from Facebook (no scrolling on this day!), except to post this message: "Happy Mother's Day, but especially to the childless mothers and the motherless children who often feel unseen today."
Finally, before settling in to finish my schoolwork and retire, Bryce made us an amazing pot roast/beef stew in the cast iron dutch oven with coals in the grill outside, and it was fantastic:
Not a bad Mother's Day. It took me years to be able to do this, to enjoy the day and not be sad, but IT HAPPENED. I have protected myself, I have done things that nourish my soul, and now it can just be Monday.
Take care of yourself today.