Holiday Traditions to Light the Dark

The holiday season used to make me insanely sad. It was just a reminder of all we'd hoped for that hadn't come to pass, or all we'd lost and would never have. I couldn't imagine in the raw days of a time where it wouldn't feel that way. 

But, I don't. Not top of mind. Not front and center. A twinge here and there, a trigger can make me melancholy, but there isn't that overwhelming sense of loss that used to accompany all the festive decorations and music. 

One thing that has made that possible is a handful of holiday traditions that I am somewhat maniacal about keeping up, because we have to make our own milestones and basically be our own children in a way. 

- The Woodland Critter Countdown: BEST purchase ever, a few years ago... the tree is Dec 1st, and then every day until Christmas Eve you put a new critter out (picked from the bag, there used to be a tray with numbers but the bag is more random and fun), until lastly a gold star appears. Behold, the critters! 

- A fun ornament for our tree. For six years now I've gotten us the Danforth Pewter Snowflake Bentley snowflake of the year ornament, which is a lovely keepsake and we won't think too hard about the fact that they will likely end up in a Goodwill when we pass on. They are delightful! 

- Christmas Eve - ONE PRESENT. Each Christmas Eve we pick out a small present for the other person and they can open it, apparently according to Bryce, only after it gets dark. This year he got me a replacement book light for the one that got broken from overuse during knee recovery, and I got him this thing that I have been hanging on to forEVER and was so excited to give because I ordered it custom: 

- My annual custom-curated Book Flood from Bryce -- my FAVORITE of the presents, he spends all year making lists of books to get me, often many titles I've never heard of, and they are usually FANTASTIC (there's been about a 2% stinker rate, which is pretty darn good). This year's haul is AWESOME. AND, he doesn't get them from corporations that want to send big blue penis spaceships to the moon, he sources them entirely from independent book stores, specifically my favorite, The Dog Eared Book: 

- Decorating the house and the tree up: 

- Spreading the fortune I feel around... I've been a Holiday Buddy for a program that a local teacher runs for local families in need for a few years now. I got a 9 year old boy this year, and got him the boots and shirts he needed, but then also stuffed in some Hot Wheels featuring Batman and Ironman, since he loves superheroes. It's totally anonymous and totally awesome. 

- Not the pickle... but the CHICKEN? You know the tradition where you have a pickle ornament and you hide it in the tree and whoever finds it has good luck (or gets a little present sometimes)? Bryce hid this in our tree to see if I would notice. I did not until Christmas afternoon...

I hope that you had a wonderful holiday. I hope that if you are in a dark place, you can see that someday there will be more light than dark. I hope for you to feel hope and love and friendship and joy! 

And always, always be silly!