I am feeling just so...blah. Depleted. Zonked. Wiped out. 

My arm is healing in terms of the bruising fading -- THREE WEEKS LATER it is still visible. But, my shoulder is all messed up. I must have done something to it when I fell because I don't have full range of motion, it feels "stuck." I actually went to Urgent Care last weekend and got my arm x-rayed because so many of you were like, "I was worried you broke it!" and I realized I never got it imaged. Good news: it's not fractured or anything. 

Question: how old do you have to be for them to stop asking you if you could be pregnant? They said, "Any chance you could be pregnant?" and I said "No," and he said, "Are you sure?" and I said "I DON'T HAVE A UTERUS," which is now my stock answer for everything pregnancy related. But when is that? 50? 55?)

Bad news: I have to go to an orthopedist for follow up as I may need an MRI to check for shoulder damage. Arghhhh. 

School is just exhausting. The teaching in masks all day is tough but doable, but the emotional toll is so great. I have students who I have to shut off the emotional piece of things. One with many significant issues has decided she ABSOLUTELY HATES ME, and we've tried so many ways of engaging and stepping in and out and I pretty much feel like my job is to keep a paper trail and document like mad so we can get her what she really needs, but in the meantime it just feels awful. It all takes a toll after a while. I'm not the teacher who needs everyone to like her, liking me is besides the point and really my big thing is to love everybody even when they show their need for love in horrifically unlovable ways, I don't need nor do I want to be students' best friends. But hearing "I effing hate you" daily can be...tiresome. It also feels like pandemic teaching is just never. going. to. end. I could cry.

I feel like I need a lot of restorative time. Puzzles are great but then I get obsessive and lose myself in them for a whole evening (I can't really do them on weeknights because then I don't go to bed early enough). I'm reading, but am finding that my concentration isn't what it used to be. I want to just lie on the couch. I'm trying to do the bike or a walk as soon as I get home to move my body, but in addition to my arm/shoulder I hurt my left foot on a walk where my orthotic met bar inserts seem to have slipped and so pressure was put on a metatarsal that wasn't good. I feel like I am being sabotaged in that department. I still go to Pilates, it's my saving grace, but I'm super modified with my stupid shoulder/arm. [insert not-so-silent screaming here]

Anyway, I'm sorry for just dumping all this here but it just feels like a lot, you know? I am SO looking forward to the Thanksgiving break... today was Monday and tomorrow is Virtual Friday (I have Wednesday-Thursday-Friday off, thank goodness). I can do this. I can make it through one more day and then rejuvenate and reconstitute for the break.

Want to read #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy! 


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you! I took a lovely nap when I got home on Tuesday and then had a very lazy and nourishing day at home today, so already I feel rejuvenated. So grateful for the pause!

  2. Oh gosh….I’m so sorry. It’s so easy to be overwhelmed these days, and if you work with people and care about them, it’s pretty much inevitable….so many challenges! The student who is telling you she hates you will probably be deeply grateful one day…..but that doesn’t make it easier in the moment(s). Don’t feel guilty about your couch time, or whatever you need. Having said that I know there are many kinds of exhaustion and not all of them are physical (the physical exhaustion of course compounds it.) Counselling helped me, and getting a sense of my philosophical and spiritual center, so to speak. I will keep wishing you calmer and easier days, hours of sanity, mindful minutes.

  3. Thank you so much. I know you are also in the thick of it. The significant mental illness and trauma that this child is grappling with makes her very angry, and I am just the unfortunate target. I can logically separate myself, but man it gets exhausting especially when there's nothing I have done worthy of such ire. I am THOROUGHLY enjoying the couch time -- I am listening to my body and napping whenever I and to this mini-break. I am reading and doing crosswords and puzzles and exercising and organizing! And if I feel lazy and tired, I plop down on a cozy couch. I do have a lovely counselor, but I think it would be good to try meditating, or getting up a bit earlier to have some quiet centering time (I've been trying that lately, and when I manage to get out of bed earlier it is a MUCH better start to the day than rushing and swearing my way out the door, ha). Thanks for your thoughts and care!

  4. Not your fifties, fyi. Oy

    I am so sorry to read of your physical ailments. Napping sounds like a great idea toward recovery. Zzzzz

    1. Yes, yes to napping! :) And HOLY MOSES, not your 50s? Jeez.

    2. Sadly, no. At least in my experience.

  5. But hearing "I effing hate you" daily can be...tiresome.


    I love how you depersonalize it and stay in the arena with even the most difficult students.

    Hope the Thanksgiving break was good to you and that your body is recovering well.

  6. Yes. Tiresome indeed. This week was particularly rough, she started recruiting and pulling another student into her shenanigans. And then we had a team meeting where it was basically said "well but you're the only one writing her up, its only happening with you," but the truth is that it's happening in multiple places and she is super slippery. And smart. I want her to use her powers for good, but I think she's just such a hurt child who is lashing out and she needs more help than we can give her. Sigh. You can depersonalize only so much before you start feeling the exhaustion of it and dread for those interactions. I'm definitely still in the arena though, although perhaps there is a small shift for everyone's sanity.

    I have an orthopedic appointment for my arm/shoulder in a week and a day, I cannot BELIEVE it is taking so long (but then again, COVID) because there is definitely something wrong. Sigh. Thanks for your thoughts, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, too!